I am 1 in 4 

*Warning- this may be a trigger post for some.

   
   
Besides being breast cancer awareness month, October is also pregnancy & infant loss awareness month and as I have personally been affected by this (I am one in four) I feel it’s important for me to speak out & try to help break the silence surrounding miscarriage, still birth & infant or neonatal loss. 

Whilst I won’t tell my whole story here now (that’s a much longer post for another time, when or if I can bear to sit down & get it all out on paper as I know it will be a hard an emotional  piece to write & share) I will however give an overview of my experience so you can better understand my journey. 

Ironically October was also the month Ryan was due. The 18th to be exact. I found out on my birthday that I was pregnant with him & it was a welcome surprise as we’d been talking about when we should try & give Peanut a sibling & an October baby meant there would be a 2.5 yr age gap which we thought was perfect. 

However, due to an infection that either caused or was caused by a slight placental ubruption, Ryan was born in June 2013 at only 24 weeks old. The statistics for a baby born that early are pretty grim & I was told about all of them whilst I was in the midst of labour. 

However Ryan was born alive & breathing & so the Drs worked on him until the specialist team arrived & were able to get him stable enough to be transferred to a hospital that was better equipped to care for micro preemies. 

He spent 15 days in the NICU (Neonatal intensive care unit) before he grew his wings & became our little angel baby, another star to light up the night sky. 

  {Photo by Heartfelt volunteer photographer Melissa Brown}

Anyone who knows me & my family, knows we talk about Ryan often. He was & still IS a part of our family & we remember & honor him & his short life by observing & commemorating all of his anniversaries.

It’s not a nice topic, miscarriage , still birth & infant loss. It’s hard to think about. It’s hard to talk about, I know. But 1 in 4 is A LOT. If you haven’t personally been through a loss, chances are you know someone who has, a friend, a family member or colleague. A lot of women & families are touched by pregnancy or infant loss & you don’t realise just how common it actually is (because no one really talks about it) until it happens to you & you become a member of a club you never wanted nor asked to join. However there is some small comfort in knowing you’re not alone.

Every circumstance & loss is different & people handle their own situations & grief differently. There is no one way or right way to work through it. You just need to do whatever is best for you at that particular moment to help make it through to the next one. 

It doesn’t matter how far along you were when it occurs, 2 weeks, 2 months or 2 years, it is a heartbreaking loss. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. It’s unfair & it hurts. The minute you get that positive confirmation of your pregnancy whether it was planned for or a complete & total shock you start picturing & planning for the future with a baby in it. When you have a loss, you don’t just lose the baby, you lose a lifetime of memories & milestones. 

  

The official Pregnancy Loss & Remembrance Day is on this Thursday 15th October. You can find out more about this day, who started it & why here www.october15th.com & join in with the WAVE OF LIGHT movement to help break the silence & remember all the little babies gone too soon. 

  

I will be lighting Ryan’s candle on October 15th at 7pm in memory of him & all the other angels taken too soon. Please join me in doing the same. 

If you or someone you know has been through any of the above & needs some support or if you just want to know how you can best help & support a friend or family member during this time, you can  get that & more here at Bears of Hope or at Sands Australia

                        Lozzie x  

 

If you have experienced the loss of a little loved one, I’m SO sorry. If you’ll be lighting a candle in memory of someone special feel free to share their name or story in the comments below to help break the silence & honor them, if you so wish x 

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